Mourning Loss Together
- Tess Horowitz
- Mar 15, 2021
- 3 min read
Nine months ago I lost my grandma, Ruth. She was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer, and within two weeks, she was gone.
I knew what grief was before this. My great grandma died when I was 14. It was hard on my family and I, but our tears of sadness were also accompanied by tears of joy – she had lived until she was 100 years old.
This time was different. My grandma’s death was sudden. She was 75 years old, in great health, and had a livelier spirit than anyone I had ever met. She still worked a few times a week as a speech therapist and was taking Spanish lessons, despite being practically fluent. She always called me to make plans to see a movie, go to a museum, or do any type of adventure that involved spending time together and learning. She could never sit still.
None of us saw it coming when she got sick. She had beaten cancer once before, and I convinced myself that she would beat it again.
But her health declined rapidly. I think the hardest part was feeling like I didn’t have enough time to process everything and say my goodbyes.
While nine months seems like a long time ago, I’m still grieving. Some days are harder than others.
In the beginning, it felt impossible to get through each day. I was still in shock, and accepting what had happened was incredibly hard. I was angry and sad and confused, and I felt alone since my family and I were all grieving separately, in our own ways.
Seeking support was difficult, mainly because I didn’t know where to go for it, and the pandemic made it even more challenging.
I remember getting a few blast emails from UCLA’s Office of the Chancellor informing students about the school's Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) and encouraging those struggling with their mental health to use its resources which include counseling, group treatment, workshops, among other services.
It all felt very surface-level to me at the time, but it can’t be easy supporting thousands of students virtually through a global pandemic. However, there is always room for improvement, and I think UCLA’s leaders can learn a lot from its student-run clubs.
Active Minds is a mental health advocacy group at UCLA that aims to spread awareness about mental health and de-stigmatize mental illness. They are composed of four committees – Events, Workshops, Education, and Advocacy – which all aim to tackle the topic of mental health while helping students who may be struggling.
The club recently posted about grief on their Instagram platform as a part of their “Let’s Talk About…” series.
Active Minds discuss grief as a natural response to loss and explain the grieving process, symptoms of grief, and when to seek professional help. They offer ways for students to take care of themselves and find support networks. Their website also has a comprehensive list of resources including on-campus resources, hotlines, virtual and in-person support groups, and resources tailored to BIPOC communities.
Wazo Connect is another great student-run organization that provides free services for all UCLA students. They offer peer mentorship based on needs, preferences, and identities as well as wellness workshops that feature meditation, aromatherapy, yoga, dance, and more. Their website includes dozens of mental health book recommendations, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets, and de-stressing techniques and resources.
Had I known about these resources a year ago, I think my experience with loss and grief would have been much different. Although CAPS has these resources listed on their website, I would encourage UCLA leaders to include organizations such as these as alternatives to CAPS when communicating with the student body about mental health.
Finding ways to provide comfort and support to a community as large as UCLA’s is partly a problem of scale. This mirrors the issue of providing that same support to a nation that is collectively grieving due to the many deaths caused by COVID-19.
Not only are we grieving losses of life, reports the New York Times, but we are also grieving losses that range from our normal daily activities to momentous occasions such as weddings and graduations. The article offers some key ways to help us navigate through those losses – the one that stands out to me the most is acknowledging grief.
Talking about grief, or emotions in general, can be uncomfortable, especially in Western culture where happiness and success is valued above all else. There is nothing wrong with having those values, but it can become a problem if we expect to always feel happy and frame negative emotions as major setbacks.
In the face of every obstacle, my grandma would say there is always a learning opportunity. Despite the pandemic’s tragic toll in our lives, we can adopt a new perspective and see our collective losses as an opportunity to mourn together and find comfort in sharing our emotions with one another.
Comments